sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
