I'm eating all of the evidence.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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