Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
