i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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