I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
