the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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