i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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