Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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