But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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