Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
