you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
