i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
