The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
