Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
