Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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