do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
