The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
