did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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