one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize