I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
