If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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