K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
