Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
