apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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