Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
