She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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