Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
