We won't sleep together?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
