Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
