i think my mom watched the whole time
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just threw up on my dentist
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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