ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
