the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize