I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
