the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
