mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
