Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
