Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
