Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
