she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
tell me about the eggs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize