Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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