omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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