My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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