I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ate ashes out of my bong
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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