At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A+ Viking dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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