there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
