im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
