my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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