i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize