and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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