I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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