My sheets look like a crime scene.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
