weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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