if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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