the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
