Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
