1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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