Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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