Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
