dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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