there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize