apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
