and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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