I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
