after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
