I'm eating all of the evidence.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize