What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
