Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he puts the penis in happiness.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
