the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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