I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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