You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
