All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize